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The Creative Process

The Story of Me
By Carol L. Douglas, Artist

A Life Full of Creativity and Challenges

My husband says that after cancer I divested myself of busy work. I also realized that if I was going to succeed in art, I needed to do it with great intensity.

My dad was a psychologist; my mother a nurse. They took in strays over the years, which added to our already huge family. It’s a habit which stuck with me. In addition to my own four kids, we always seem to have a house full of other peoples’ children, of all ages.

Growing up, we had a Formica kitchen table printed with boomerangs. With a number two pencil, the boomerangs became noses, the noses faces. At dinner time, we washed the table.

It was a good thing we lived in a huge old house because we were a family with projects. The biggest of these was a hobby farm with forty cows, three horses, goats, chickens, and other nonsense, but there were plenty of other projects—building, sewing, gastronomy, and, of course, art. There might be a man-height steel assemblage in the study, a cardboard castle on the dining room table, clay in the laundry room, and of course canvases and drawings tucked everywhere.

My father was a skilled artist and we all learned to draw with great accuracy. That was the time when pop art reigned in high schools across America. From my dad, I learned about perspective, proportion, drafting and measuring, all of which were useless for my studies.

Carol L. Douglas, The Great Gorge of the Genesee, oil on canvas, 24" x 18"
Like most Buffalonians, we haunted the Albright-Knox Art Gallery. Buffalo children get to play inside Lucas Samaras’ “Mirrored Room” and wander in the shadow of the twentieth century greats. Buffalo owns two paintings which gut me: Gauguin’s “Yellow Christ” and a Soutine side of beef. And many more which simply take my breath away.

Two great tragedies smashed our happy lives. My sister Ann was killed in a horse accident when she was 14. My brother John was killed by a drunk driver at 17. My father never recovered, and my mother crawled back to life by the skin of her teeth. For many years, we lived under a pall of grief.

Today, I would have been identified as having a learning disability. Boys were sometimes called ‘hyperactive’ but girls who couldn’t sit still, do rote work, or shut up were simply bad. School was unbearably difficult for me, even though I’m excellent at academics.

Carol L. Douglas, The Joker, figure, oil on canvas, 40" x 30"
Over the years, I worked for a museum, a newspaper, a magazine and then ended up doing graphic design. That’s on top of the grunt work I’ve done—farm work, waitressing, clerking, etc.

Fast forward to my 40th birthday. I was a success in every measure that mattered to me. I had a long and happy marriage and four great kids. We had enough money that I could taper back on work and replace it with meaningful volunteer work. I ran six miles a day and wore a size six. I’d started painting again.

That day, I stood at my window watching the snow, and realized with shock that my neighbor had just died of breast cancer. People were weeping, hugging in the street. She was exactly my age.

Another nine months passed. I had just engaged a new doctor. We talked. He said, “I think you may have cancer.” A battery of tests proved him right. Said cancer was reaching out of my bowels to grasp a lymph node.

My treatment was typical—solitary, nasty, brutish, and interminable. Looming there was the realization that I might not live.

Ten months of radiation, chemotherapy and surgeries. Fittingly, I spent what energy I had writing and illustrating a Protestant Stations of the Cross for St. Thomas’ Episcopal Church in Rochester. It can be seen on-line here: www.goaway-letmepaint.com/cwwj_frame.htm.

My husband says that after cancer I divested myself of busy work. I also realized that if I was going to succeed in art, I needed to do it with great intensity.

To that end, I spent 2003-2005 commuting from Rochester to New York to take classes at the Art Students League. The driving wore out a car and nearly wore me out too, but was worth every solitary mile.

Today my biggest challenge as an artist is getting enough time to do my own work. Kevin Macpherson has a note in one of his books which says, “Stacks of studies, miles of canvas.” To me, that says it all.

You can see more of Carol's work at
http://goaway-letmepaint.com/
http://www.watchmepaint.blogspot.com/

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You can see more of Carol's work at
http://goaway-letmepaint.com/




 




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